Welcome to another edition of ‘Something For The Weekend’, as we delve into the weekend’s potential action hotspots like a pissed up townie entering Oceana after a night on the lash.
What better place to start than The Recreation Ground, Aldershot? I hear you ask…Aldershot, a town that is famous for its army barracks – most girls in Aldershot have collected more useless squaddies than Roberto Mancini and seen more privates than the Territoral Army. I’m not saying its a chavvy night out but last time I went there, the highlight of my evening was spotting how many people I had seen on previous editions of Jeremy Kyle. The story of ‘The Shots’ as a football club who rose like a Phoenix from the flames is a much more uplifting story, however their form of late has left them precariously close to the Blue Square window. Conversely, Gillingham have been in sparkling form of late – their veteran ‘Jafakean’ Deon Burton has been in good goal scoring fettle and The Gills boast an extremely impressive goal difference, as well as a miserly defence. The odd couple ‘manager/chairman’ combination of Paul Scally and Martin Allen is yet to combust and I don’t expect The Shots to have the military precision in front of goal to trouble the boys from Kent. I predict the league leaders to return to the ‘garden of England’ with three points and a smile wider than Bluewater.
Sky Bet offer 11/10 on a Gills win
and that looks better value than a hour’s tanning at ‘Designer Tans of Hollywood’ (other tanning salons are available in Gillingham) – plenty of others!
Next, we head to the Premier League and the salubrious settings of the DW Stadium where Roberto Martinez’ Wigan caballeros take on Brendan Rodgers’ pass masters. What should we expect from this one? Certainly not too many diagonal balls to the big man – as two football purists clash at a Rugby League venue. Some people have derided Brendan Rodgers for placing too much emphasis on possession and putting a positive spin on everything like a hybrid of David Brent and Niall Quinn. However, I believe that this criticism is a little unfair – to call him the worst Pool Manager since Michael Barrymore, just because of false rumours that he gave out black armbands to the less able swimmers at a local leisure centre is harsh . The Latics are a very hard team to predict, so other less brave tipsters may avoid their games. They sparked into life last week with a sensational display against fellow relegation scrappers – Reading. This is the time of year when Wigan normally transfer themselves from a dirty northern caterpillar in to a beautiful continental butterfly. However, I am going to go against convention and say that we quite fancy Liverpool for this one. Rodgers’ men seem to perform better against a) the lower teams in the league and b) against the teams who try to play ‘football’. So a plus b leads to c) A Liverpool victory – we can also factor in the fact that Wigan have lost 10 out of 14 games against teams in the top half. All this compelling evidence leads us to the
Bet 365 website – who offer a healthy 5/6 on a victory for the Kopites
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Off to White Hart Lane for what should be a white hot atmosphere for a huge North London derby. Spurs currently sit four points clear of their more decorated local rivals and have the Premier League’s in form player in Gareth Bale – a man who has been landing more long distance missiles than Kim Jong-Un of late. Arsene Wenger suggested that the fortunate win at home to a struggling Villa side last week has stemmed the ‘crisis’ at The Emirates, however a defeat against their most hated foes would change the picture dramatically. It is at this point of the season that Tottenham teams in the past have imploded but AVB’s Lilywhites don’t look as lily-livered as previous Spurs outfits. The pace and power of Bale, Lennon and co could be too much for an Arsenal defence which contains Per Mertesacker (a man who moves in instalments) and the woefully out of form ‘pole in the goal’ Wojciech Szczęsny, who is worth more in Scrabble (56 points!) than he is in the transfer market. This game usually produces lots of goals, there were seven when the two sides met at The Emirates early in the season and 12 of the last 13 games between the two have produced more than 2.5 goals. The 5-2 scoreline in their last clash may have flattered The Gunners, as Emmanuel Adebayor further endeared himself to the Arsenal faithful by earning himself an early bath for a late tackle (he was not too disappointed though as he hadn’t had one for a while). With a heavy heart, I am going to predict a victory for Villas-Boas and co and another chance for Gareth Bale to showcase his love heart celebration, Colin Jackson has secretly admitted that he finds the tribute touching. Interestingly enough – Bale has scored more goals against Arsenal than any other Premier League club. Some traditionalists such as Paul Merson will tell you that form is irrelevant when a local derby comes about, however in this case I think they will be proved wrong. Expect the onion bag to be bulging on multiple occasions, AVB to have a better jacket than Arsene and
Spurs to pick up the three points – 5/4 with Sky Bet
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After the blood and thunder of the Premier League, we finish this weekend’s preview with a trip to sunny Andalusia as Malaga entertain Atletico Madrid. The form of Atletico has been one of the stories of the season in España, this continued in midweek as they defeated Sevilla to set up a Copa del Rey final with their traditionally more illustrious city rivals – Real. The Cup in Spain is taken so seriously that they are yet to decide a date or a venue for the final (they had to change the original plans after they realised the scheduled date clashed with the Eurovision Song Contest). Malaga have done extremely well to maintain a push for a top four place (whether finishing in the the top four will be enough to land them a Champions League spot will depend on the leniency of the UEFA appeal panel). Malaga are nicknamed The Anchovies, however this is not because their books smell a bit fishy, as some have suggested. They suffered an embarrassing defeat last week against Real Betis and I don’t think they will be able to handle the attacking verve of Los Rojiblancos. Expect Manuel Pellegrini to be left feeling like an ex pat who has seen his Costa del Sol bar accounts being investigated by the Spanish taxman (recaudador de impuestos) after Falcao and co go back to Madrid with tres puntos. Bet 365 offer a generous 6/4 on this and if you want a cheeky side bet, Falcao has scored more goals from the spot in Europe’s top five leagues this season.
We hope you enjoyed our whistle-stop journey from Hampshire to Andalusia via Lancashire and North London. I’m off to meet Rihanna and John Paintsil’s wife for a game of SingStar, I figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I’ll leave you with this thought, Ryan Giggs has slept with a different woman in every season of the Premier League and that’s something Gareth Bale will never match.
By Jamie Ellis
