Greetings, hope you are ready for another instalment of ‘SFTW’, as we
attempt to whet your whistle for this weekend’s action and get you as excited as Howard Webb when he opened his Man United pyjamas for Christmas. Last week we correctly predicted shock wins for Luton Town and Brighton but were let down by Crawley and Mario Balotelli’s ‘sat nav’, I’m feeling in
confident mood this week after beating Clarke Carlisle in a game of
Countdown. The weekend starts here…
Things can’t get much worse for Aston Villa, a Capital One Cup defeat on Tuesday against Bradford City (a team who have, to be fair, beaten more Premier League teams this season than QPR) was nonetheless humiliating. A game that saw Sian Massey move the fastest she has since Andy Gray offered her a drink at a Christmas party, as she feared a mass post match pitch invasion, not something that used to scare Danielle Lloyd. This weekend, they face a Southampton side, who have been quietly improving under the calm stewardship of Nigel Adkins but still sit precariously close to the relegation zone. If the Saints win here, it could spark the ugliest scenes in Birmingham since the ‘Miss Birmingham 2012′ competition. Rickie Lambert could well prove to be a thorn in the side for Villa’s defence who have been exposed more than an overweight girl from Dudley on ‘Malia Uncovered’. Those nice guys at
‘
Paddy Power’ offer 15/8 for the Saints to go marching in and take the points back to Hampshire
.
Off to Old Trafford next, for a classic Sunday lunchtime game between Manchester United and Liverpool. Brendan Rodgers picked up the first Liverpool silverware for a while, the ‘David Brent’ trophy for best management-speak. It made me realise why Liverpool have been a bit of a joke of late, their last three managers have been an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman. The Scousers showed their legendary sense of humour last weekend for issuing death threats to ESPN’s Jon Champion for calling Luis Suarez a cheat (perish the thought). There has been a lot of talk about the appointment of Howard Webb to referee this game, however Sir Alex Ferguson has denied rumours that they have negotiated a ‘no win, no fee deal’ with the Yorkshire whistler. All jokes aside, this should be a tasty affair : Suarez v Evra, RVP v Agger, Mick
Hucknall v Cilla Black. United won the reverse fixture at Anfield 2-1 with a controversial late Van Persie spot kick winner, after Jonjo Shelvey had lost his head, not only getting red carded but also confronting ‘Sir red cheeks’ as he left the field, in his defence he had been missing his key worker.
Sky Bet offer a generous 5/2 on Mr. Webb to award a penalty
and
4/5 on a United win
, with Hernandez and Van Persie firing more bullets than your average Moss Side party, this looks too good to resist.
Manchester City’s form has picked up of late but they know they can barely afford another slip, if they are to have a chance of overturning the deficit at the top of the Premier League table. This Sunday, they visit ‘The Emirates’, the club have returned nearly a thousand of their ticket allocation to Arsenal, complaining that £62 is extortionate. One City fan said that for sixty quid in Manchester, you can get a brass, five pints of John Smith’s, a beer and a burger and still have enough change for the fruit machine and a council taxi home. However, the Arsenal hierarchy countered by saying that it was cheaper than a night at the opera (or a nice Italian in Islington High Street) and that they were just getting back at the working classes
for the Boxing Day tube strike. This match last year will be remembered for Mario Balotelli’s foolishness in which he was red carded for a seventh bookable offence and Arteta grabbing a late win for the Gunners. At the time, Mancini said that would be the last time that Super Mario played for City and that they were out of the title race. Good to see he was true to his word. Coincidentally, Balo’s suspension for the rest of the season resulted in City going unbeaten for the rest of the campaign, culminating in the ultimate Aguero scoregasm moment. There will be no Sergio in this one, however Dzeko, Tevez and co should prove too much for an Arsenal defence that look as stable as Ed Miliband trying to find his way back to his Islington townhouse after a couple of penises (I mean pinots). With Arsenal facing M25-esque congestion over the next couple of weeks, ‘some might say’ that the Emirates could prove to be a veritable Oasis for City, Paddy Power and
Sky Bet offer 17/10 to send the City fans over the ‘blue moon’ with a win in the ‘big smoke
‘
.
Time for a filthy delve into the NPower Championship and more specifically off to the City Ground where Alex McLeish’s Nottingham Forest take on Peterborough. McLeish’s appointment was surprising to say the least, as he has caused the most destruction in the Midlands since the Birmingham Blitz. His teams’ playing style have been described as making Pulis look like Guardiola and unsurprisingly he hasn’t got off to a particularly auspicious start to his reign. Peterborough manager Darren Ferguson apologised to their fans after a cup pasting against Norwich at the weekend and I expect a backlash this Saturday. Sky Bet offer 15/4 on the Posh coming on top , you can get similar odds on a similar result from the Beckhams next bedroom session.
Hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s musings and find a little ‘something for the weekend’. I’ve always wanted a ‘friend with benefits’ so I’m just going on ‘Right Move’ to look for a place in Liverpool. Last time I went, I got in a bit of trouble for calling a woman overweight, as she left Harvester – the scouser she was with turned round at me and said ‘she ain’t heavy, she’s my stepmother.’ I’m off to cut myself for Justin (Hoyte not Bieber) if the Scouse mafia don’t get me first. See you next time.
By Jamie Ellis
